Hobo of the Universe

WARNING!!! Terribly un-PC stuff ahead. Don't read on if you are easily offended. After a glass of wine and some Kung Fu viewing, I somehow came up with this idea. I don't remember how. I'm sure Michael will, he thought it was pretty funny (I believe it was spawned after talking about George Carlin's list of things you never see and one of them was an attractive homeless couple). It would sort of be a mix of a beauty pageant and Survivor. Instead of the swimsuit competition, there could be an outerwear competition. I mean, who hasn't seen a homeless person with a damn overcoat on when it's 90 degrees out? There would be a competition for best sign. I think "Why lie, I just want a beer." would be in contention for sure. Although "Will work for food" is still poignant and honest too.

On a more serious note, I have had several encounters with the homeless over my short life. There weren't many in Omaha, but I did see them on occasion working downtown. My first observation about them was that they always seemed to be wearing coats even in the summer - well, duh, where the hell are they going to keep everything?! Then I had some brief encounters with them on my travels to the Pacific Northwest. As I didn't see many in Omaha, they were rather novel in an ignorant midwestern girl sort of fashion. I remember giving one a cigarette. I related this story to one of my earlyl college friends and made the mistake of calling the man a "bum" (again, ignorant midwestern girl, doesn't understand PC and is only one generation removed from people who use the "n" word in regular conversation and call catholics "fish eaters"). Needless to say, my snotty east coast "friend" got all uppity and never talked to me again. I was just telling a story...what the hell did I know. Again in the Pacific Northwest, we handed over some very expensive bread to a man sleeping in a doorway. We had just eaten at the Space Needle, looking all filthy and totally grunge, and had some leftovers. And then there was the night in the box to raise homelessness awareness...oh wasn't that fun?! Froze my ass off...I already felt very grateful for the roof over my head (I can't say how many times I worried as a child that we would be out on the street), but being outside in November with two other people and a sleeping bag really made me realize just how much it would suck to be outside. Last but not least, there was Los Angeles. There was a whole colony of homeless that "lived" near our apartment. They really made quite an encampment near us on Crescent Heights and once right in front of Rite Aid. It's amazing what people with limited resourcs can do. We think we need so much crap and yet these people continue to survive without much of anything and some of them even manage to keep pets. There was a guy in Los Angeles, that I saw regularly, who had two dogs that he kept. They were sweet dogs and they man obviously loved and cared for them. He'd had one of them for over twelve years. Previously, I had always felt sorry for animals kept by the homeless, but then I realized that they were just as important to this guy as my cat was to me. Also, after what my dad has been through in the last couple of years, I have discovered a new level of gratefulness in my life.

Ok, so enough seriousness...after the sign competition, we'll have a contest for best "call". "Need some help" will not be in the running as it is too obnoxious and obvious and has woken up many people living on Laurel Canyon Blvd too many times. Are there any better ones?