Mia Criceta
That's Creeeecheta. As in "Mi Criceta ha una pistola, fugite!" "My hamster has a gun, run away!" Yes, on our '04 trip to Italy, we were the worst kind of tourists...Americans. The first two times I went, we were very civil, only the occasional rabble was roused, but the third time we were with Pat and Shaun and all bets were off. We posed weirdly in front of every damn warning sign we could. It was fun, but I felt a little bad since Italians do sort of frown on that sort of thing. Of course they should talk, didn't Mussolini cartweel down the Autobahn? Regardless, we still had such a great time. I miss Rome. I miss the Italians. It's the one place in the world I really feel at home...besides Northfield, oddly enough. Who knew that I would ever find contentment (or cows and colleges for that matter!) in a town of less than 20,000 people? It's a strange feeling. I love my house, I love my "job", I love my friends, especially that hot Brendon guy. Ok, so this was NOT going to be about how much I love Northfield, but about a hamster.
So, about this hamster...well, for Sophie's birthday, we spent $10 on this silly ne stupid hamster that rolls around in a ball and crashes into things.
Yes, we actually paid money for it. I thought, you know, I bet we got ripped off. $10 is a lot to pay for something so cheap, maybe if I look on eBay I'll find it for less. Well, it just so happens that $10 is very reasonable for an obnoxious little hamster in a pink ball. What a racket these people are running! They are asking up to $15 per destructoball hamster. It's crazy! Anyway, I found this on one of their sites and thought it was funny:
It is a life-size furry creature which trundles endlessly forward revolving the plastic ball in which it resides.
You've got to LOVE the English. This guy is from Cheshire, England. It just seethes with propriety...about a fucking mechancial hamster! I wonder what his product description would be for a vibrator. "This lifelike penis trundles endlessly forward into your love canal in which it will reside until you withdraw it at orgasm." Too much.
Oh, as to the "Anonymous" posts on my blog. Get a fucking ID. Everyone knows who you are anyway, fucking David Mamet rip off. You may be hot, but I can out Mamet you any day!
posted by Circe @ 9:44 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Does the hamster come with enormous genitalia?
No fucking way.
IDs are for pussies and stupid fuckers.
Real guys never show their faces.
You know why?
You know...
There's a reason...
why...
Real guys don't show their fucking faces?
Because they fucking don't.
They don't.
Real guys
Real guys are just fucking real.
No fucking around.
No ID.
Playing that fucking game.
No fucking way.
No ID.
Just cut off a man's...
Just take his cock right off.
Playing that game for pussies.
Not fucking right.
Not fucking right for real
Men.
It's a sucker's game.
Fuck that.
Fuck Them.
Fuck that.
Fucking true... fuck'em.
You can't go...
Don't even start...
Once you...
Can't go starting...
Don't even go down that fucking road.
Fucking ID game.
Pussies and stupid fuckers.
That's all.
They think you're some sort
They think, you've got this ID
This ID and
But it's a fucking
Stupid fuckers
Not part of being a real guy.
Real, not real.
Not a real guy.
Not with a fucking ID.
Real fucking guys don't do that.
They don't.
Fuck IDs.
Fuck them.
Don't show...
Nothing
Fucking don't show your face.
Nothing
Attack, takes away.
It means you can't fucking ambush.
That's it.
Yeah, that.
Fucking ambush.
Real west, real guys.
Ambushers.
Fucking guns blazing.
No fucking mercy...
No pussies and
No pussies
No IDs, guns blazing.
IDs are for pussies and faggots.
Fucking faggots, ambush the ID fuckers.
Pussies and faggots.
Real guys ambush.
Fucking run in, guns blazing.
Fucking faggots. ID faggots.
Fuckers.
Fuck them.
Fuck those pussies.
fucking faggots.
Real guys ambush those pussies.
Yeah, as many as possible.
Fuck and run.
Leave'em fucked raw.
Get out. Ambush someone else.
Another pussy.
Kill those ID faggots.
Suckers.
Fuck them.
Fuck them.
Fuck them, fuck the pussies.
Fucking cocksuckers.
Fuck and run, man.
Fuck and run.
Fuck and run, fucking cunts.
Man, Fuck and run.
Ambush, get your gun blazing.
Cum and go.
No names.
Nothing.
No fucking ID.
Just dump and go.
No fucking names.
Leave the cunts sore and
Yeah, leave'em sore
Fucking cunts.
Fuck them and just fucking leave.
real men ambush.
Fuck'em sore.
Fucking right.
Leave'em sore and wanting more.
No fucking names.
Fuck names.
Fuck'em.
Right, fuck them all.
Just fucking fuck them and leave.
No fucking good-byes.
Just gone.
Yeah.
Fucking gone, out the door.
They're all spread out.
Fucked.
Real men are on the street.
Back out the door.
Fucking cock still fucking hard.
Still fucking slimy.
Real fucking guys are gone.
Fucking out the door.
Out the, on the sidewalk.
Looking for another fuck.
Fucking pussy.
No fucking names.
Fuck IDs.
Never fucking show your face!
No faces!
Fucking ambush, man!
Fuck and run!
Fuck and get out as soon as you cum.
Fuck'em.
Fucking ambush, fucking IDs are for fucking pussies.
Fuck that.
Just ambush.
Guns blazing.
Fucking bang bang bang!
Right.
Fucking right.
Right.
One at a time.
No faggots.
Fucking pussies.
One at a time.
Guns blazing.
Go, man.
Fucking guns blazing.
I hope you liked that. Lots of David Mamet chest thumping there.
Let's go. Out-Mamet me.
Where is your submission for the Short Play festival? I want it. Deadline is today!
I'm waiting, David Mamet must be appeased.
Ok, you win. I can't even out-Mamet you.j Or better yet, I'm just not in the mood. I "do" Mamet very well acting-wise, considering his directing technique is to tell his actors to do as little as possible. I'm a pro at that.
And yes, the hamster comes with enormous genitalia.
YES! YES! I am the better mameter! I'm so much more mameted than you!
Old McDonald had a farm, and on the farm he had a mamet...
With a fuck, fuck here,
a fuck, fuck there,
here a fuck,
there a fuck,
everywhere a fuck, fuck
I made up a joke...
How many David Mamets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, David Mamet fucks in a lightbulb.
-or-
Fuck.
Just fuckin' one, all right?
Mutherfuckin lightbulb.
When are you coming to the new house to watch the Olympics? Fucking curling! I fucking love curling!
You think I'm kidding, but I'm not!
Yeah for fucking curling!
Piss on over-emotional bios of athletes who overcame all odds, especially fucking figure skaters...
Oh, and you'd better fucking make it to Twelfth Night, or there will be unholy amounts of reprisals befalling your every step from that moment henceforth...
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