I fucking love the Olympics!
Yes, it's true. Every two years, I go nuts and I have to sit in front of the TV every stinking day and watch the Olympics. I can't not do it. I don't know why. It all started with the summer Olympics in 2000. I had never really watched them before and then suddenly it became my life's mission to know exactly what was on and when and who was winning. It certainly helped that a very cute swimmer named Lenny was competing. He was from West Hollywood - no he's not gay, just Russian! - and I lived and shopped in West Hollywood, so I felt like he was my guy. So, there I was...addicted. Ever since then, it's been a habit. In 2002, it was a great feeling to watch as the world came together after 9/11. There was a lot of fear still, but the games went on and they rocked. Watching in 2004 was difficult however. Ever since they cancelled "Farscape" on the SciFi network, we have been without cable. Our 100+ year old house has never been fitted for cable, so we sit and watch on a fuzzy TV. So, if one of the competitors is cute, I would never know. At least I can tell what's going on. Anyway, I've been watching this year and it's been great drama. There is such an incredible amount of talent. It inspires me and makes me insanely jealous. Of course, I am NOT an athletic person by any means, so I can't be too jealous, knowing that I could never be there myself. Although, I could potentially luge or do skeleton. All you have to do is stay incredibly straight and be fucking insane to do either one of these sports. Who thought it was a good idea to get on a sled, face first and throttle themselves at 80 miles an hour down a slick track? It's just nuts. Someone must have had too much Gloog before they tried this because no sober person every would. Oh yeah, I particularly liked the funkadelic Alpine inspired dresses that the hot chicks carrying the signs for the Parade of Nations wore. How did they even make those? OR how did they get them on those girls? I'm baffled. They must have been lowered into them with a crane. I so want to be one of those sign carriers!! Anyway, I love the fucking Olympics. They rock! End of story.
posted by Circe @ 11:36 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
"He's not gay, just Russian." I'll have to remember that one. It's just so true.
The fucking Olympics do fucking rock, Shari, except for mutherfucking figure skating...
Let's consider the patently unfair nature of it's scoring system. It has very little to do with how well anyone actually skates...
It's all about who is favored, and for years it has been known by anyone with a brain and confessed by several prominent figure skaters that new skaters have to "pay their dues" before they ever set foot on a podium.
So we have a system that favors seniority and sticking to the basics over brashness and true athletic talent.
I'm not saying the winners are pathetic, unathletic and extremely talented, they are. But they are winners only because past achievements have built up to their present.
And let's not even start down the road of countries voting against other countries, or colluding and voting in blocks.
In track, in swimming, in luge, in curling, in speed skating, no matter how successful you have been in the past, no matter how much you get covered in misty-lensed mini-documentaries, (fucking retch... why aren't they showing fucking events!), no matter how many blow jobs the athlete giveth, you swim, run, jump, curl, luge, skate, and you finish and figure out how well you did. Past champions finish last, rookies finish first, great lugers flip and have their nose sanded down to two little holes, upsets happen all the time. Not in figure skating which is almost as scripted as professional wrestling.
Obviously, you say to me, well, it has a subjective scoring system, just like gymnastics... and I say exactly, that's the problem, but when the stakes are so high, the judges, the whole judging system and the governing bodies of both sports have the option to tighten things up, make things more cut and dry, but they haven't, they have frequently run the other way.
Again, the gold medal winners are no slouches, truly among the best in the figure skating or gymnastics world, but they have played along with a system which has developed into a patently discredited scoring scheme.
They have also bowed to market forces, playing up the theatrics and background stories of athletes at the expense of investing energy into a more objective scoring system. Pandering to a largely female demographic, they have created sports soap opera, and every year, the soap opera occludes the sport more and more. Making their own sport more and more discredited even as it grows in popularity. I actually think both figure skating and gymnastics should be banned from the Olympics until they get their respective houses in order. Not that NBC or other corporations would allow it.
I call them "sports" now, or sucker sports. They are image contests first and foremeost.
But, yeah, I fucking love the Olympics too...
It's also occured to me that you "love the fucking Olympics" while I "fucking love the Olympics"...
Say what you will, but I think the Olympics wins by an edge. I watched the fucking Olympics last year on the porn channel. It was good, but it lacked the pseudo-documentary-in-progress feel of the real Olympics.
For future reference, the fucking Olympics, to avoid trademark infringement issues, spells it "O! lympics"
Another joke I just made up in honor of both the fucking Olympics and the real Winter Olympics: what do you call the men's bobsled team after the orgy?
fo' limp dicks
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