Snakes on a Car

I don't know what's in the gene pool in Naples, Florida, but I can guess that the first answer is "not enough chlorine". Check out this genius. Tom Waits says, "Never drive a car when you're dead." Well, he needs to alter it to say that you should never drive a car when you have a large snake wrapped around your neck. This usually goes without saying, but in the land of the south, anything can happen.

Speaking of how anything can happen, "Snakes on a Plane" with Samuel Jackson is going to be beefed up to be more greusome and have more snakes. Pretty neat. I still can't believe that this movie got made. All I have to do is hear the title and I giggle with idiotic MST3K glee. This movie was made for geeks like me that like to laugh at movies. I have not anticipated something nearly this much in years. The last time we were this excited about a quality piece of cheese was when "Broken Arrow" came out. I don't know what it was about the damn commericals for that movie, but they resonated deeply with my inner childhood geek and I laughed to tears every time I heard John Travolta say "Yeah, ain't it cool!" to kitschy 80's poser punk idol Christian "would you like whale sperm with that!" Slater. It is also the birthplace of the now famous line, "Please do not shoot at the thermonuclear weapons." Ok, so it's not famous, it's not even good, but Travolta chews the scenery with such perfect bliss that it makes it totally transcendent. It is certainly a movie experience I will never forget and one that did not disappoint, unlike the last three Star Wars flicks.

And finally, speaking of disappointment, I am still pissed off that "Crash" won best picture. I know, I know, who fucking cares? Well, it doesn't matter. But "Crash" sucks. The end. Even Syl Jones says how it was a "safe" choice for the academy and that it was a whitewashed version of what the situation in LA is really like. And it is. Damnit. Besides, Gay Cowboys trump a contrived wannabe epic about fake racism any day. I "heart" Ennis!!! Viva Brokeback!!!!